Collecting Souls and Hearts Like It's Going Out Of Style
by Drops of Jupiter in My Hair
Summary: I'm a fox spirit who's trained to go to the human world and destroy creatures who threaten The Balance. Oh, that leads to another thing; The first law is that we cannot be seen by humans, period. But hey, it's not considered a crime if you're not caught, right? And what was that rule about falling in love with vampires? Just me strutting and breaking all the rules. [SasuNaru, yaoi]


**AN:** I actually had some fun writing this, and I have a pretty good idea of later chapters, if I feel like continuing this.

**Warnings:** This story will eventually be filled with homosexual pairings, folks. If you don't like that, then please back the hell up and go somewhere else.

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You don't know pain until your fingers start forming calluses from holding a game controller for 15 hours straight. And no, it's not being lazy. It's quite the opposite, actually. Sitting around on your aching ass for that long without leaving even to take a piss is what you'd call pure dedication! Especially since the game wasn't all that good either, but it was training nonetheless. I needed to finish my training ASAP too, so I could finally go on my first S -rank mission!

I know, you're probably confused by now, so let me explain. I'm a youkai, simple as that. A fox spirit, more specifically. You know, those random hallucinations that you see once in a while hopping through dark forests at night? Glowing among the dark trees and wearing the tattered kimono with the fox mask tied to its face? A fox tail swishing behind it with those weird glowy spirit-fires floating around it? Yup, like that.

I know, I know. Why not something cooler like a vampire, or a full-blown demon? Fuck, even a zombie would have been cooler than some fox ghost! But actually, spirits are far more important than you think. We do several things in secret, due to our invisibility abilities. Lucky for me though, since foxes (and raccoons) also happen to be able to transform their appearance, It makes me **twice **as good at going unnoticed! It helps especially for me since I actually kind of suck at blending, being almost being caught several time. But foxes are also known for their astounding speed, are they not? (_cough_ escaping _cough cough_)

We're like ninjas, per say, doing all the dirty work in the shadows so that those pathetic humans can go along completing their way of life without much trouble. And no, don't you dare go off about how we're doing a sucky job either, since actually those emotionally retarded beings are having it MUCH easier than they would have had it without us. Heartbreak and grandmas passing of old age are NOTHING compared to having to live in a world where demons are around every corner wishing to feast upon your blood, flesh, and organs. [hurr, even _unique _organs if your demon happens to be horny]

Yes we get _some _help fighting off mindless beasts from the monster-hunters out there, but let's be honest about this. How many humans do you know who genuinely believe in spirits and demons? That's the only way you can see us, after all. If you know **without a doubt** that we exist. Or if we _want _you to see us. Many 'monsters', spirits specifically, have three forms. Invisible (only spirits), normal (how they are naturally, only invisible to the human eye), or visible (to both other beasts _and _humans).

Well what about other youkai helping us 'balance' the worlds, you may ask. Vampires, the popular douchebags they are, consider themselves a whole different group altogether and don't help nor heed the needs of others all that much. They have their own problems to deal with apparently, over caring for the naive humans who unknowingly carry the weight of both our worlds thriving or dying. Werewolves are similar, but help out anyway since their species naturally enjoys killing things, causing them to destroy the mindless beasts we fight too.

Oh yes, that leads to another fact. The first law of our world is that we cannot be seen by humans **period**, or we will be found out eventually and murdered by the council, the human who spotted you will also have their mind erased along with anyone else he or she told about the discovery. The second major rule is basically; "Humans are dumb creatures who get killed every day. We need them to live though, for the sake of our own world to be balanced, meaning that we should not and CAN NOT be the cause of more human deaths. To sum things up; no killing/eating or harming humans in any way."

Cocky vampires, being able to taste the flavor of human blood anyway since they have the rare ability to erase and control minds. It doesn't help that when a vampire bites, if they lick the wound with their saliva, it will heal immediately.

Okay, okay, I'm getting off track here. So over all, us spirits (there are many different types too, me being a _fox _spirit) have the pesky job of killing mindless demons who don't have the intelligence to abide by the rules, therefore threatening our existence. But it's not as if we're all packed and ready to go as soon as we shoot from our mother's vagina. Hell no! We grow up like any other being, and get 'home-schooled' by our clans in the ways our family makes their living.

I happen to be a spirit who's trained to go into the human world, and destroy mindless creatures who threaten both the humans' and our existence (and I've said that line like 7 times now, so I hope you get that it's literally the purpose of our existence). We're trained by our clan, then eventually sent on missions once we apply to The Office and get accepted. These missions are ranked from the strength/dangerousness of the monster(s) we're being sent out to destroy. I happen to be one of the best too, if I do say so myself, and am finally being sent on my first S-rank mission!

Now we're back to square one. Well, how is playing video games training? You see, the next mission I'm being assigned is to go undercover and snoop around for a few days until I find the hidden beast, and kill it. As for 'undercover', I have to pretend to be a normal human. _Oh the __**horror**__! _I know, I know. So, I've spent the last month studying human high school boys, and the last week actually pretending to be one (in my own home, for now). They have an easy life, actually, so it was wicked fun just mooching off my parents and lazing around the house since I didn't have any tutor lessons while 'training'. Don't think my mother found it quite as fun though, explaining to me several times that "Instead of training to be an annoying, high school hoodlum, you can always to pretend to be a polite, hardworking high school student." Fat chance, ma.

"Naruto, don't you have somewhere to be?" Said mother called up the stairs. Speak of the devil and he shall arrive. Or she, in this case.

"Maybe!" I called back, only then just remembering I was still playing my game. And hey, if there was one thing that humans had in the bag, it was definitely technology. Perhaps food too, but their technology always leaves me envious. They go home then plop on a computer, while I go home and have to go see Baachan's ugly mug while she screeches at me like some constipated bird about how I almost got caught by a human again blah blah blah. It's her fault though, since she never really punishes me, only yells (which I'm now immune to). Maybe if she gave me a real punishment I'd try harder, but hey, I'm not complaining. And no, it's not as if I _try _to get nearly caught-and-killed, but I'm only saying that maybe if I'd _really _learned my lesson, I'd always remember "Oh yeah! Be careful, Uzumaki!" before entering public disguised as an ostrich.

"Well you better pull some magic from your ass or somethin', because my clock down here, in the world not known as Naru's-wonderland, says that it's 4:30am."

"EFFING COW, I'M LATE!"

"WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE, UZUMAKI!"

Don't you just adore her? Sighing and saving my game anyway, I shut it off and quickly grabbed my stuff. I yanked on my priorly-ordered Konoha-High school uniform, immediately deciding I didn't like shoes at all. Before pulling on my pants though, I casually glanced behind me at my five tails. Once I reached full growth (a few thousand more years) all nine of my tails would grow, which is also when I would unlock my full power. Until then, I was stuck with my more-than-half amount of 5.

Clenching my eyes, my tails began to swirl quickly, shrinking gradually as if being flushed down a toilet until they disappeared. I simply shook my head quickly, and my ears easily disappeared into my hair.

"Hurry up!" My mother called again, and I growled in annoyance. It was like I had a wife already, and I was only 18! [In human years, anyway].

"Coming!" I called back, running into my bedroom-bathroom only to grab my toothbrush and hairbrush. I nearly tumbled down the stairs, attempting to brush both my teeth and hair at the same time. When I reached the kitchen I spit in the sink, rinsing out my mouth while struggling with a randomly stubborn knot. As soon as the knot untangled, I spit out the liquid in my mouth and placed both brushes on the counter. I whipped around, spotting my unamused mother and sent her a sheepish grin while wandering over with my arms outstretched.

"No hugs for you, lazy-ass 'high school boy'" She mocked, but throwing out my baby hell-hound eyes immediately caused her to cave. I hugged her only for a second before calling 'I'm heading out!' [mostly to my father, who had the pleasure of sleeping in] and dashing from the door.

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**AN:** lets' pretend that was long and amazing. [lol this is only like 3 pages]

Your thoughts?


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